It starts from the moment new Mummies get together. There seems to be this compelling need to ‘win’ amongst some parents. Whether it is how many hours of sleep they got last night, how early their baby smiles or how many spoonfuls of banana porridge their little cherub had, everything is a competition. Then we enter the world of development. Oh boy, for some parents how early their baby rolls over, or how many words they use to construct a sentence becomes the main topic of conversation. Enter the school gates and enter another level of competitiveness. Which reading level the competitive parents’ offspring is on is the be-all-and-end-all. SATS results are publicized with pride and at the peak are the parents who post about their child’s glowing parents evening report on Facebook. As you may be able to tell, I’m not into the whole competitive parenting thing!

Everyone Has An Opinion

From the moment your bump starts to appear, it seems everyone has an opinion, and a strong opinion, about well, everything! What sort of pain relief you should go for during labour (or not) whether you should use disposable nappies or cloth ones and whether you should allow your baby to have a dummy. Two of my children sucked their thumbs, and I clearly remember a complete stranger coming up to my son, who must have been about nine months at the time, and him wrenching my son’s thumb from his mouth. We all have opinions, of course we do, but it seems parenting is an area of huge controversy. People feel free to share their opinions, and strong ones at that.

Parenting Politics

When you have children you enter into a world of politics by proxy. Birthday parties are a prime example of this. I hate to make anyone feel left out, so I insist that we either invite the whole class or all of the girls or boys. There is nothing more cringe-worthy than watching a child give out invitations to a select few, in front of the other children. There are also playground politics, and I don’t mean amongst the children. Who do you stand with at pick-up? If you stand with Mummy number one, will that offend Mummy number two? Parenting is a minefield of politics, best avoided at all costs.

Guilt

Since becoming a parent, I feel guilty about absolutely everything. I feel guilty about what I feed my children and what I don’t feed my children; how I discipline my children and how I don’t discipline my children; what I say to my children and what I don’t say to my children. There have been many occasions when I have gone to bed at night and sobbed, recollecting the day’s events, wishing I’d just spent more time with them, regretting something I’ve said or wishing I had been more patient. I never quite feel that I live up to the expectations I place on myself. That guilt is only good if used to spur us on to be a better parent, otherwise it can be highly destructive and detracts from the good times. Listen to the guilt, use it, and discard it.

Overwhelming Love

I left this one to the end because actually, none of the others matter in the big scheme of things. When I tuck my children up in bed at night and give them a kiss whilst they are sleeping, I remember how much they mean to me. I still remember holding each of my little ones as babes for the first time. The all-consuming love that you feel is like no other. Sure, there are times I would happily offer a ‘buy one, get two free’ deal on my children, but it doesn’t last long.

Being a parent is both challenging and rewarding. There may be politics to play and guilt to be felt, but I wouldn’t change being a parent for the world.

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love being a mum and I wouldn’t swap what I do for the world, but for all of the amazing benefits that come with parenting, there is also a lot of hard work and sacrifice along the way too.

One of the hardest things that I have found as a mum is the fact that I often feel guilty.  Should I feel guilty?  Probably not.  Yet, my experience and friendships over the years have shown me that I am certainly not alone in my guilt.

So why do mums generally give themselves such a hard time?  I suppose it is that finding the right balance once you have children is quite a tricky process.  Someone recently said to me that as women and mothers, the idea of having it all is non-existent.  We worry if we work and feel guilty that we are not spending enough time with our children and that we are putting financial gain before their needs.  Yet if like me, you are a stay at home mum, that often results in guilt as you know that on one salary  the children may not have the same experiences and things that they would if there was more money coming in.

We feel guilty about the food we give them, about the clothes they wear, about the amount of time that they spend in front of the television or games console, schools, friendships, holidays, homework.  In fact, you name it and I’m sure that somewhere there will be a mum feeling anxious on that subject.

The fact of the matter is that being a mum is a hard job.  It is hard to find that perfect balance when it comes to parenting and realistically, I don’t think that anyone does all of the time.  It would be great if babies were born with a lifelong instruction manual, which not only informed you in great detail how to raise that particular child, but also helped with some of the difficult decisions along the way.

It is really important to stop and take a step back.  Look at how happy your children are, how well they look, how much they have grown and developed.  That is down to the way they have been brought up.  As much as my four drive me crazy at times, I look at them sometimes and I am so proud of them and the way that they are growing up as nice, polite lovely people.  And, even though it pains me to admit it, that is to a fairly large degree down to me and the time and love that I have invested in them.

So, the next time you are feeling guilty or worried about any aspect of your parenting, stand back and take a long hard look at your children and then smile and tell yourself that you did that.  It’s a nice feeling.

Like many expectant mums, I’d been very excited throughout my pregnancy, but when she was born after a so-called easy labour and the midwife gave her to me to feed her, I didn’t feel any connection with her; she just lay there like a heavy lump. I had very little experience with babies, especially newborns, and didn’t feel brave enough to risk moving her little delicate body, so there she lay until I plucked up the courage to ask my husband to move her. When we were moved into the ward and I was left on my own with her, I dreaded her crying in case I had to pick her up and comfort her.

The first few days were awful; the shattering realisation that we’d got this little dependant for ever was too much to contemplate. I had a husband to support me and was surrounded by loving friends and family, but I didn’t love my little girl. Perhaps the first few days are like that for a lot of people as nothing can prepare you for the change that happens when you have your first baby. But for me it wasn’t just the first few days, it lasted for weeks. Generally speaking I’m a very caring and loving person, and find it easy to show affection, but that didn’t seem to matter. I felt that looking after her was my duty and I certainly wouldn’t have done anything to hurt her, but it was so difficult not feeling anything towards her. I was worried that I would never love her, that things would never get better. I kept wondering if we’d made a mistake, although it was too late to change it. I knew that we should be grateful to have a beautiful and healthy daughter, and I did feel very blessed, but something just didn’t feel right.

But one day I suddenly loved her. I don’t know what changed, there was nothing apparently different about that day, but it was as though a switch had clicked in my brain. Instantly it was easier to deal with the sleepless nights and the general fatigue and I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from me.

I was fairly open about how I felt at the time, but I received different reactions. Some people were supportive; others tried to understand, although it was clear that actually it was incomprehensible to them that I didn’t love my daughter; and some didn’t believe that I meant what I said. I’m writing this in case there are other people who feel like this, because outside of my immediate family, I felt that I was the only one. So much is said about instantly forgetting the pain of labour once you hold your new baby, and how wonderful motherhood is, that it can be quite hard to admit that you don’t feel like that. At least not straightaway. I was given some very good advice at the time which was to spend as much time as I could with people who would love and coo over my daughter, and it did made a difference. It didn’t change the situation, but it was definitely easier when I could see the effect she had on other people. I was pleased to see the enjoyment she brought to other people, even though she wasn’t bringing it to me! It helped me not to keep my feelings bottled inside and that there were people I could talk to even if they didn’t entirely understand.

When I fell pregnant with A nearly three years ago, one of my friends first questions when I announced my good news was what changing bag was I going to buy. I was somewhat mystified by the question, I have to admit. Don’t get me wrong, apart from the overwhelming joy of a new little person being on the way, a new baby is a good excuse for a shopping fest, but a changing bag was quite low down on my list of priorities.

A few months later, I started to look at the possibilities and was totally overwhelmed by the choices. Bags of all styles, colours, with pockets in different locations and for every conceivable thing. I did get quite excited and after looking around at the options available, I ended up buying a changing bag that cost nearly seventy pounds (fifty if you ask my husband and that nearly made him cry). It was a great changing bag, but after about a year and a half, I switched to a little rucksack with stuff in for A and kept a packet of wipes and a nappy in my bag for emergencies as I was finding more often than not that I was forgetting to pick the changing bag up when I left the house.

My friend who is the authority on changing bags informed me that I hadn’t embraced the bag and that was the problem. Apparently you switch totally to the changing bag and ditch your handbag, which actually, looking back makes perfect sense. If you do invest in a really good changing bag, why would you need anything else? My friend still has a toddler in tow, but swears that her changing bag will remain firmly at her side until it has breathed it’s last. She argues that even with young children who might not necessarily need nappies, she would have to buy such a big handbag to accommodate the essentials of ‘daily life with children’.

Again, wise words. Even though my youngest is two, she is still in nappies most of the time and even the six and eight year old have to be taken into consideration. I did recently buy a large bag as apart from the essentials such as purse, keys and my bits and bobs, I have to carry wipes, tissues, a spare nappy, Top Trumps, pad and pencils, various bits of paper and emergency snacks. It’s a bit of a mish mash of junk really and I can never find anything when I need it. If I had a lovely changing bag with lots of lovely pockets and even a nice little pocket for my precious mobile phone, life would be so much easier.

I recently spent a few weeks looking after another friend’s baby son who was just under a year. The changing bag that came with it always made me chuckle. It wasn’t particularly trendy as mum is someone who goes for the more practical option, but what made me chuckle was its contents. There were all of the necessities and clothes that were the right size (I always ended up having clothes that were about three sizes too small in mine) but lurking at the bottom was such an array of things that I never knew what to expect. Breadsticks, fruit, hair clips, glue sticks, pens, paracetemol and toothpaste and once even a potato. Yes a potato. I did have to ask her why there was a potato in her changing bag and her reply was that you never know when you might need an emergency potato.

Whilst thinking about writing this post, I did start to do a bit of changing bag window shopping. I have to admit that there are some very lovely, very practical and very coveted bags available and yes, even without a real need for one, I could definitely be persuaded to buy one. Maybe I need to go and talk my husband into baby number five, although that might be a little excessive just to be able to justify buying a changing bag.

Bake some cookies:
…or anything else that takes your fancy. There’s something strangely comforting about making food when the rain is pouring down outside. It’s even nicer when the weather is chilly and you’ve got delicious warm cookies straight out of the oven.

Snuggle up with a good book:
Books aren’t just for bedtime, find something stimulating for a change and dramatically read out the scenes to your little one. If there’s a power cut, bring out the torches or even some candles and make up spooky (but fun!) tales in the dark.

Get creative:
Time to get messy! Have a go at finger painting, modelling with salt-dough and good old potato-printing. If you don’t have a house full of carpets like me, try some water-play with a few toys in a washing-up bowl. If you do have nothing but carpet, what the heck, do it anyway! Just put down lots of towels first.

Stir the imagination:
A bit of thunder and lightning can encourage great ideas and is a fantastic backdrop to some good old imaginative play. Start a game of hide and seek around the house or make a den beneath a blanket thrown between two pieces of furniture.

Racing Raindrops:
This is one my partner and his sister used to play when they were kids. Basically, you each pick a raindrop on the window and see which one reaches the bottom first. A lot more fun than it sounds. Really.

Do some major housework:
Why not take advantage of the bad weather and get those chores done with a little help from your toddler. It may be boring to you, but “helping” to dust the house, tidy up and put the laundry in and out of the washer/dryer is great fun for little ones.

Sing and dance!:
Now personally I’m embarrassingly bad at both, but trust me, toddlers won’t notice or care. Put on a favourite CD, pump up the volume and get your groove on! This activity has the added benefit of wearing your little one out (and you too!).

Go outside!:
Who says you have to stay indoors on a rainy day. Kids love jumping in puddles! Wrap up well and put your wellies on – go on, you know you love it! If you’re feeling brave, go the park or lake and feed the ducks – I guarantee you’ll be the only ones there!

Watch telly:
If all else fails, there’s always the cardinal sin of sticking the kids in front of the TV! Everything in moderation they say and this is no exception. Stick a favourite movie on and enjoy!

Sleep:
Maybe I was weird, but when I was a little girl I loved to fall asleep to the sound of rain pattering on my window. A gentle thunderstorm in the distance was even better. If it’s evening (or your little one still enjoys a daytime nap) settle them down and let them enjoy the calming sound. If asking for sleep is a bit much, perhaps a gentle massage or a soft lullaby will be appreciated, especially by younger babies.

When I was pregnant the first time round, my partner and I were still in university and so everything we had was given or leant to us. The second time however, I definitely made up for it. I spent hours online making lists, planning and plotting about what the baby and I were going to need. It is easy to get carried away and I certainly did.

Luckily, baby number three came along nineteen months later so I felt a little less guilt about my over indulgence as pretty much everything got used again. We were adamant that there would be no more patters of tiny feet in our lives and so I sold all of the baby things like a woman possessed, so when I fell pregnant again, four years later, I was faced with the expensive dilemma of starting all over again.

It was then that I had a ‘light bulb’ moment. Did I really need to buy everything again? Was it absolutely necessary to buy the ‘must have’ things? Did we have to buy everything from new? Financially, we weren’t really in a position to spend a fortune and in many ways that was a good thing as it meant that I really gave everything I bought careful consideration and I received items offered to me by friends with open arms, whereas previously I was a bit of a snob and politely refused.

There are some things that are nice to have new and if you are starting out with a limited budget, you need to consider those items first. I wanted a bouncy chair that vibrated as I found that to be brilliant with the boys and so I did invest quite a lot on one of those, a travel system and car seat that would fit in the very limited space that I had in the car and as this last baby was going to be my first girl, I did indulge in rather too many pink outfits, but apart from that, the only other things that I bought new were kitchen essentials like a steriliser and bottle warmer, bedding and a few soft toys. Everything else was second hand.

If you are considering buying baby essentials second hand, car seats and cot mattresses are strongly recommended to be bought new for health and safety reasons but most other things are absolutely fine. It is worth remembering that most things that you buy for babies are used for quite a short time and so many of the things on offer second hand are often like new.  Recently, I had a big sort out and got rid of a lot of the baby toys that my little girl no longer plays with and so many of them looked like new.

The potential to find second hand items is endless; auction sites, small ads in local newspapers, car boot sales and charity shops.  If you have a small budget, it doesn’t mean that you have to miss out on all the things that you need.

I was incredibly lucky this time.  A good friend of mine has three daughters; two older than mine and one younger, so that meant that not only did I get most of the baby things that I needed, I was then able to return them back when I had finished with them.  With a group of friends who live local to her, we all add to the collection of baby and toddler things and regularly pass them on within the group.  It means that someone is always getting a fantastic supply of good quality items when they need them and as we all chip in, everyone saves money.

If you are still determined to buy everything from new, the one big advantage is that you can sell it on when you’re done and at least you will get your money back, but I definitely recommend that you do your homework before you buy.  Most web sites give you access to reviews by customers and in my experience, it is really useful to have a look and see what other people thought.  Whilst we all have our own opinions, these reviews are usually very honest and can make you consider if that product is right for you.  It is also worth comparing prices, especially with bigger items.  You will be surprised by the difference in prices and you could save a lot by checking a number of different companies or using a price comparison site. Finally, before you commit your hard earned money think about whether you really need it as I found with too many things that in the end I didn’t need them and they sat in the cupboard gathering dust.

And one of the most played with toys in our house?  A little plastic horse with a cowboy that you push down to make the horse clip clop along the floor.  My mum picked it up for fifty pence at a car boot sale and although at the time, I was very unimpressed, every one of my children has loved that little horse and it is still trotting around six years later.

This is obviously a huge amount of money, which would scare any new parent! So in this article I have highlighted the essentials and where I think money can be saved for those who are on a budget.

Moses Basket/Cot
My daughter Niamh spent only 8 weeks in her Moses basket before moving to her cot, as she got too long for it! Some babies never take to their Moses baskets. With this in mind, my suggestion would be to buy a second hand Moses basket or if you can borrow one from a friend do so, however, it is always advisable to buy a brand new Moses basket mattress for your baby.

A friend advised me whilst I was pregnant to opt for an average priced cot rather than an expensive cot bed. Her little boy had chewed the top of his cot bed once he learnt to stand up in it, so she ended up having to buy a new bed anyway. I took this advice and we bought our cot and mattress from Ikea and although it is hard to tell at this early stage as Niamh isn’t standing up yet, it seems to be doing the job just fine and she is very comfortable in there. Again, aside from buying a brand new mattress which is advised, I see no issue in buying a second hand cot, there are probably some very beautiful cots for sale on sites such as ebay for a really good price.

Pram/Buggy
This really does come down to personal choice. We opted for a Graco Symbio travel system and again bought brand new. I recommend you choose your pram based on your lifestyle, for example if you drive but are also planning to walk quite a bit a travel system might suit you best. The pram/buggy purchase is a difficult decision that does warrant some research as it will probably be your most expensive purchase. You will need to buy accessories, such as a rain cover, parasol and cosy-toes.
If you are on a budget I would recommend buying second hand. We spent £350 (not including accessories) on our travel system, and the same one is on ebay today (14th April 2012, buy it now) for £120.00  including accessories! It is not advisable however to buy a second hand car seat, just in case the seat has been in a car accident in the past.

Baby clothing
You will probably be surprised at how much clothing a baby gets through, particularly in the early days! But also surprising will be the amount of gifts you receive before and after baby is born, so I wouldn’t recommend going out and buying too much newborn clothing, although as an excited mum-to-be I have to admit I didn’t abide by this rule myself!
It is worth noting, that ‘newborn’ fits babies weighing up to about 7-8 lb. So if your baby is bigger than this you will probably be dressing them in 0-3 months anyway. Essentials really are vests and sleepsuits. Cardigans, hats, cute outfits etc will arrive by the bucket load once baby arrives from excited friends and family members, and sometimes from people you hardly know, such as the kind old lady who lives opposite you or your Mum’s work colleagues!!

Nappies
If you are opting for cloth nappies, please check out the other articles on this blog detailing what you need and how much things cost, you may be surprised at the cost saving if you opt for cloth nappies.

With disposable nappies, the average cost is about 15p per nappy. They are not cheap and again I would suggest not going too mad before baby arrives, just in case your baby doesn’t for long stay in the smaller size.

Feeding equipment
Whether you are planning to breast feed or not, I wouldn’t rush out and buy much in the way of feeding equipment until baby is here and you know what you really need. There are many different types of bottles that range in sizes and teat sizes and some which claim to be anti-colic bottles etc. You will need a good steriliser and I would recommend a microwave one as they are so easy to use and don’t clutter up the kitchen as they can be left in the microwave. In terms of breast pumps, bottles, nipple shields etc I would wait until baby is here, as these things are so easy to buy at short notice anyway and it’s hard to tell what you will actually need. I purchased many feeding items before my daughter was born which I haven’t even taken out of the box.

If any parents reading have any other tips please feel free to share in the comments box below, thank you!

I have been a stay at home mum since the birth of my third son nearly seven years ago.  My first son went into full time nursery from the age of nine months as I went back to finish my degree and as he was happy and I went on to work full time, he carried on in the nursery until he made the natural progression to school.  He was happy and well adjusted and settled quickly into school, but I always had this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I had missed so many of his early milestones as a result of my childcare choices.

My other two sons were born within nineteen months of each other.  The eldest went to playgroup when he was nearly three, I didn’t feel any pressure for him to start and although it meant I could have some quality time with his younger brother, I was quite laid back about it.  His younger brother is an August baby; in addition, his big brother was still there, so he started as soon as he was two as I felt that he needed the two years in playgroup to prepare him for school.

But for some strange reason, this time it was different.  This was my baby, my last baby, we were muddling along quite happily doing lots of nice things together but even at the age of two, she was really advanced for her age and I knew that a few hours a week with other children and adults would benefit her and me for that matter.  A few hours to myself, that would be nice wouldn’t it?

So, finally, after much debate and discussion on the subject, I decided to put her in for one morning a week at the same playgroup that I sent the boys to.  A number of people had lots to say on the subject as people often do.  Some asked me what I would do with all of that time on my hands.  Time?  A whole three hours a week, well not a huge amount, quite possibly  really exciting things like washing, ironing, cleaning probably.  Others commented that I obviously couldn’t wait to get rid of her.  Not the case at all.  One mum at school said that she thought that she was a bit young.

I agonised over the decision which was totally ridiculous really.  I went through a rollercoaster of emotions; guilt, anxiety, more guilt, feeling stupid for worrying about it all so much.  So when is the right time to send a child to nursery?  For some parents, it is an inevitable decision.  If you have to go back to work at the end of a maternity leave, you have to make the decision about childcare very early on.  If one of the parents is at home with the children, you have the option to choose whether or not to send your children to most playgroups from the age of two or earlier if you want to use a day nursery.  Cost is often a deciding factor as you don’t get free childcare until the child is three and even then it is only the equivalent of fifteen hours which can be limiting for any parents wanting to go back to work.

I have known some parents who have opted to miss out the preschool childcare completely as they feel that the child is better off at home with their parents until they have to start compulsory education.  There are arguments for and against this choice I’m sure.  I can see the mutual benefits for the parents and the children having the extra time together, giving the children more time for play before they are in the structured routine of school, but personally I would worry that it would make the transition to school more difficult.

In the end it ought to depend on the individual child.  I wasn’t in any hurry to send my daughter to playgroup but as she is a strong-willed, independent, articulate and confident little girl.  This is probably due partly due to having three older brothers, but I know that she is ready for a new environment and having the opportunities that she won’t get if she is stuck at home with me.  She has been going for a morning a week now for half a term and is really happy.  She gets excited on the mornings that she goes and there has only been one morning so far, where she has been reluctant to go in.  And the best bit?  When I go to pick her up at lunch time, she runs out to me as fast as her little legs will carry her shouting ‘Mummy!’ at the top of her voice and wraps herself around me like she hasn’t seen me for weeks.  So I know that after all the agonising that I’ve made the right decision for both of us.

7.00am several alarms have gone off in the house. Mine, my hubby’s and the 6 year old’s! Hubby has snoozed his several times already and the 6 yr old is already down stairs helping herself to who knows what for breakfast. She is officially only allowed to eat yoghurt and fruit without us.  I know when I get downstairs the chair will have been dragged over to the cupboard and the biscuit tin will be considerably lighter. The guilt will eat away at her and she will confess on the walk to school.

By 7.45 the baby has finished breast feeding. I prop the baby up right with her giraffe toy and go to brush my teeth and debate whether my hair can go another day without being washed.  It can’t, I switch on the shower. The 6 yr old has enters wearing just her pyjama top. Who knows where we will find the bottoms later.

“Fill in the forms mummy” she announces and waltzes off.

With a mouth full of frothy toothpaste I fail to reply.  I know I wont shower again this morning and switch the shower off. Since when did showers become a luxury?

Downstairs I begin to dress the baby whilst finding yesterdays water bottle to pack the school bag. How hard can it be to bring it in from the car? Every day its left somewhere. I run down to the car and rummage in the boot, in the car seat, in the foot wells and finally find it festering in the tennis bag.

I run back upstairs to get dressed seeing as baby is half dressed and seemingly happy to watch Kate Garraway stumble through yet another ill prepared interview with some ‘expert’ or other.

There are no matching socks in my drawer, technically there is no drawer seeing as all my clothes are in make shift boxes and hanging rails. I pull on a sock, then remove it as its the 6 year old’s. I decide socks are over rated.

I check my phone its 8.05 I have one pair of jeans on the rail, and I know without even putting them on they are dirty. I remember putting them there yesterday and thinking really these should be washed. But the machine is full, the baskets are full and in fact the entire garage is overflowing with washing.

“Where is my jumper and my skirt and my shirt” Bellows the 6 year old up the stairs. I ignore shouting back to her but make a note to pick them up from her room on my way down.

I can hear baby crying and look at my watch, 8.15 how on earth did that happen?  I grab the offending jeans and a top off the rail and race back downstairs picking up the uniform on the way.  The baby has sicked all over the carpet and her sleep suit. No time to change her I mop up the sick with a muslin and finish fastening up the sleep suit.

I glance at my phone its already 8.25, I am tempted to update my facebook status but know I am running late. I grab a brush and attempt to navigate the brush through the yoghurt streaked hair. Its a no deal. I brush the back of it that doesn’t have food embedded in it and shove in a wide alice band instead.

In the kitchen I pick up the book bag and remember I haven’t filled in the reading book from yesterday. I quickly check the title of the story and fill in ‘Excellent reading again, nice expression’. Every comment is particularly similar to this.

The 6 year old hands me the vast number of forms that need completing. Each it seems needs money and a separate envelope. I can locate one envelope in the drawer and my purse contains only a £20 note. I know there is no money in the spare change jar as I emptied it yesterday. The £20 goes in the one envelope along with every form that I scribble my signature on.  Permission slips for school discos, Easter Egg hunts and a mufti (none uniform) day. They will have to split the money themselves in the office. Another black mark against my name no doubt.

Hubby emerges looking shaven and fresh and finishing off his coffee. Where did he get that from?  He apologises for not having made a pack lunch for the 6 year old. No time. I grab our bags. I ask hubby to carry the baby.  He looks reluctant in his pristine suit but thinks better of saying it.

As we load the bags and bottles and baby into the pushchair he walks out the door. I can see dribble and sick rolling down his back. I am distracted by the 6 year old asking for something and he is off before I can tell him.

“Football kit mummy?”

You can imagine what I am thinking. In the corner of the garage lurks last weeks football kit. I grab it and spray it with some deodorant from hubby’s gym kit also laying on the garage floor and re-stuff it into her bag.

As we struggle out the house, leaving the keys in the front door (again) we rush to the playground. On the way I realise since feeding the now crying baby I hadn’t refastened my nursing bra. I thought I felt considerably lopsided. I try to fasten it whilst pushing the pushchair with one hand and getting the 6 year old to keep up rather then inspect every lost kitten poster on every lamp post along the way. She asks daily if the kitten has been found. I tell her no then feel guilty, I will tell her tomorrow it has.  A few yards from the school the tears begin and the biscuit confession starts.

Since I became a Mummy I have noticed changes in my friendships. Not changes in my friends themselves, but changes in the types of friends I have now, compared to the types of friends I had before. I’ve always been lucky to have a close group of friends that I would bend over backwards for, and then a larger number of friends/acquaintances that I see or speak to more sporadically or infrequently. When I became a Mummy my focus shifted and my thoughts of nice dresses, nights out and the latest films and songs took to the back burner, coming second to formula milk brands, nappy brands, conversations about bowel movements and various other mummy based topics! This in turn meant that I gradually had less and less in common with most of my friends who didn’t have children. Put simply, there was a lot less common ground. I didn’t want to bore them with the details of Joshua’s every waking moment, and likewise after the initial novelty wore off, they probably and rightly so, didn’t want to hear about it all the time! This meant that a lot of my non mummy friends who classed as ‘close friends’ slipped in to the ‘acquaintances bracket. This left a large space in my life, although lacking in time for a social life my phone went noticeably quiet during this period.

When I overcame my post-natal depression I began to actively encourage and pursue friendships with certain friends with their own children from the previous ‘acquaintances bracket. I realized I had far more in common with them now than ever before and it gave us a whole new foundation for friendship. All mummies love to talk babies-whether it’s their own, other peoples, potential problems, queries or worries and suddenly people I knew with children became ‘friends’ in their own right because we always had so much to talk about!

Don’t get me wrong, I still have several very close friends who don’t have children, one friend who is like a sister to me doesn’t have children and yet our bond and friendship hasn’t swayed by my decent in to parenthood, nappies, sick and poop! Even in my times of worrying about Joshua’s bowel movements, his sleeping patterns or his diet-this friend of mine has not once moved an inch from her rightful place as one of my closest friends. But the vast majority of my close friends now are all people who have children.

Mummy friends are to me my sanity! Mummy friends give me the confidence in my own parenting skills and advice when they aren’t up to scratch. Mummy friends give me a friendly cuppa and shoulder when tantrums and tears get too much and a friendly face to laugh with when my son does something new and hilarious. Mummy friends are a person to turn to with experiences that I can value and they are also the only people who can fully and truly understand what my life now is. I don’t feel I have to defend myself, or sugar coat the truth with my Mummy Friends, because we are all in the same boat. Mummyhood is like a club and we are all in it together!

I do still speak to almost all of my friends from my pre-parenting days but just not as much. Nowadays my phone is active with friendships formed on the shared basis of having children and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I may be obsessed with which nappy brands are on offer but so are my friends! I don’t want to hear about what the latest bar is like on a night out any more than my non-mummy friends want to hear about what colour my son’s bowel movements are!

So I have learnt the value of Mummy friends. They are invaluable, totally appreciated and never, ever far from my thoughts. Without my mummy friends I fear I would panic at every detergent caused rash, every refused bottle or every missed toilet time. I fear my mental state would fall in to disrepair without the lovely people I call my Mummy Friends! Parenthood would be impossible without Mummy Friends.