To Breastfeed or Bottle Feed – That is the Question…
A friend of mine has recently become a father for the first time and we were discussing the age-old issue of breast vs. bottle feeding. He said his wife was breast feeding their three week-old daughter, but that he felt guilty because he couldn’t do more to help with the baby in the middle of the night. This brought back memories of when my daughter was born. She was a brilliant baby in many ways, but the one thing we just couldn’t get right between us was the breastfeeding… she’d latch on nicely and then promptly fall asleep. Nothing we did seemed to keep her awake and interested in feeding. We undressed her; tickled her; put her feet in bowls of water (at the suggestion of the midwife, not just because we were feeling mean!); but nothing. Nada. Not a jot of interest! So, eventually we gave in and resigned ourselves to that endless circle of making up formula, heating it, cooling it, sterilising all the bottles and so on. But you know, the one blessed relief (well, from my point of view, maybe not so much my husbands!) was that at least we could now share those night-time feeds. In fact, pretty quickly we moved to a rota system; one night on, one night off (and in the spare room with ear plugs!).
This worked so well for us, in part because my husband can deal with interrupted sleep so much better than I can, that when our son came along I felt really torn as to what to do. I knew I wanted to give breastfeeding another go, but I also felt so wretched by the last month of my pregnancy with him (little did I know at the time but it is likely I was suffering from post-natal depression, which can affect some women while they are pregnant. For more info about PND please have a look at The Royal College of Psychiatrists website) that by the time he was born I really wasn’t sure what to do. As it turned out Patrick was brilliant at feeding naturally, he got the hang of it straight away, which was wonderful… however it didn’t last as he had quite a strong intolerance (or possibly allergy, it’s difficult to tell at that young age) to dairy, so even by trying to cut dairy out of his diet, he was still losing weight and being very sick. So by the time he was six weeks old he was put on a special dairy-free formula from the GP, which of course put paid to any breastfeeding attempts.
Knowing that I won’t have any more children (what with Patrick’s dairy problems to start with and my PND we quickly decided that we had enough to contend with!), I do feel a little sad that I didn’t manage to have the lovely experience that I’ve heard other mother’s talk about: being able to provide exclusively for their children until they wean them. I don’t regret my decisions though – both my children are wonderfully healthy and happy (Patrick outgrew his dairy problems by the time he was one) and I think it certainly helped me function better during the day, knowing I could get a decent amount of sleep every other night. We were actually very lucky with both kids – they were both sleeping through the night very quickly (at around ten weeks). A fact which, in order to offset the daft guilt I felt about not breastfeeding them, I put down to their being formula-fed babies. I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t have made much difference at all, but it made me feel a bit happier about it. It’s ridiculous, really, the guilt we lay on ourselves. We will quite seriously tell a friend they were being silly to worry about it all, but we still burden ourselves with that same feeling.
This is such a fab article. I was always told I would never be able to breast feed as id had breast surgery when I was younger so I’d always planned to bottle feed. But the day after Monkey was born I was elated to see I was leaking milk and this is the most vital substance for a premature baby and during his weeks in neonatal care, expressing milk was one of the only things I could as a mother for him. Unfortunately after 6 weeks he wasn’t gaining enough weight so was switched to a high calorie formula but I’m thankful I had those first few weeks to express for him xx
Thanks Simmi for an excellent article! I think this is one of the most pressurising issues for new mums trying to get their child to breastfeed. Sometimes it just isn’t meant to be and sometimes it’s better not too as the mum might be on the verge of breakdown without sleep! I’m sure a lot of women (and men) will have differing views on this and I would love a discussion on it to begin. Thank you for a fab piece! x
I feel for all of you who try so hard to breastfeed and can’t, but you have really tried your best and are great Mum’s for trying so hard. At the end of the day the reason formula milk was invented is because not everyone has the ability to breast feed.
I was extremely fortunate to be able to breastfeed, despite my son having tongue tie (which was snipped), until 11 months when teeth become painful! I however had the opposite problem and found it extremely difficult to stop emotionally and physically felt the need to carry on even though I was no longer producing enough milk for him. It took two attempts and a weekend away from him to make me stop.
All parents need support, even those who seem to be successful!
This is a subject close to every mum’s heart. Of my NCT group, there is an even split of those who were able to breast feed exclusively and those who found it harder and switched to the bottle. As a group, we have tried to be supportive of each mum’s situation. It was nearly always a reason such as tongue tie, worries about milk supply or colicky babies that made bottle feeding the best option for mum and baby.
I feel lucky that I was able to breast feed, but that is by no means the perfect option. I took it for granted that my baby would always take either breast or bottle if I needed to leave him – but at three months he started refusing a bottle and now I am completely tied to be able to leave him for more than a feed cycle.
I’ve tried every make of bottle and teat going and every way of feeding him – me, my husband and my mum. All failed!
This is even harder now he is 7 months and starting to get funny about breast feeding out of the house. I know he wants milk but if I try to latch him on in a public place he gets distracted by the slightest thing and usually ends up arching his back, screaming his head off and leaving my boobs exposed to the whole restaurant! So now I am nervous to go out anywhere for more than a couple of hours and it makes leaving him very stressful as I am worried what will happen if he gets hungry before I’m back.
I know that the other breast feeding mums have had similar problems. If I had my time again, I would have made taking a bottle part of his daily routine like the dream feed that his dad could have given him. But the other thing about breast feeding is it is so draining and demanding – often the last thing you feel like doing between feeds is expressing!
Having said that, I will cherish the time we have left as I know I will feel very sad and nostalgic when it comes to that last breast feed in a few months. I just hope I can get him on the sippy cup by then!